Conflict and Harmony in Relationships

It is natural, normal, and inevitable for people to discover that they have many disagreements -- even as mates and co-workers. No problem arises, however, unless they regard these disagreements as intolerable AND set out to "correct" them, perhaps by cajoling or coercing the other partner. This presentation will illustrate a brief hierarchy of conflict resolution approaches, starting with the question, "Must this conflict be resolved and, if so, how soon?" and ending with negotiation based on principles reflecting and reaffirming mutual concern.

Both men and women often attribute orneriness to their partner when faced with disagreement. Some grasp that the "disconnects" in discussion may stem largely from gender differences in communication styles. Even these relatively savvy people may simply shift from specific condemnation ("my husband is a jerk") to general condemnation ("all men are jerks"). Some partners are able to realize that profound differences in how men and women use and interpret language are simply different  from their own ways -- not a sign of badness or of personal animosity.

For ten years Dr. Bodin has been doing research on relationship conflict. Specifically, he has developed a Relationship Conflict Inventory (RCI) to assess both conflict processes (verbal and physical) and conflict content -- in terms of frequency and distress level. He is beginning a second phase of the project, focusing on relationship harmony.